Still feeling guilty for pangseing Aedy but I think that I have to swallow that bitter pill for I think that it is for her good. So anyway, I accompanied Leanne from her house to the camp! We just live across the streets so it is quite convenient to us and we sort of have this unsaid deal going on.
It is a good trade cause she is pregnant and she have many things she need to carry and me, on the other hand, can use a taxi ride! When you put these two things together you cannot go wrong. When I am out with her, I had a weird random thought that we look like parent and child. Must be because people keep telling me that I dress like a child.
I still have problems with my lyrics, God I hate lyrics! I am usually good at them and I can memorize them easily. However, when it comes to songs that I am super bored with, I can't help but to not memorize them! I have been trying since last night, this morning and even on the taxi and I am still stuck at verse 1. God please help me! I don't want sing wrong lyrics or even forget them during my performance in front of NEL! It's so stressful now that I don't even know what to think.
Yupp, so now I am sitting at a sofa by the lobby waiting for something to happen. Something that will take me away from all these things that is happening around me. I can't believe that I am having thoughts of just taking cab and go home now, but it's really stupid if I do so. So I will resist and pretend that I am at home, that I am at ease.
Calm down. Breathe. Inhale, exhale. Everything's going to be fine. Haha, these are the words that I always use on my patients when they are afraid and insecure. Now, I am my own patient except that I am not drilling my teeth!
I am such a pathetic loser right, when people ask me how I did or what I am going to do now that I am done. I just say as if I made it. I can't seem to put those words out of my mouth. Pride is really scaring me, luckily I am not in this alone. I still have some peeps who are in the same situation as me.
What I need to do now is to make sure that I don't lie. It is so difficult to pretend that everything is fine when it's not. I feel like a time bomb again. Tick. Tick. Tick. I will burst any second soon. I can feel it.
Time to be my own patient again. Hold on. What I think I need is 30 seconds dance party. My actions aren't big, just twitching my toes and moving my head side to side and I feel instantly better! I am sure that it is only for 10seconds plus plus or so, I am too shy to do it in public with many people walking around.
Well, it's been awhile now and the crowd is slowly disappearing. What should I do now? Well, I think that I am just going to sit here until someone come and pick me up. Okay, just as I finish typing that, Zw came and ask me if I want to join the others and roam around. I am a bit skeptical because it feels like if I go, I will have to join the whatever circle they have form or something and the thought doesn't sound nice at all. I also don't want to go and "hog" Aedy for myself cause I don't need to be framed any more than a criminal- something like terrorist?
Well, the crowd is disappearing now and the lobby is returning to its peaceful state and my stomach just growled. Hungry Poh Heng is hungry, maybe I should walk around to see if there's any food for me to eat and enjoy myself as time goes by. Now I regret not taking a huge plastic bag worth of snacks that I have at home!
Okay, nature's call. Get ready for a part 2 okay? :D
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