My woes

Sometimes, I just felt that I am not needed anymore. No matter how much I have tried, how many opinions I had gave, I was ignored. Ignored. Why am I ignored? Am I just someone who blabbers things that are useless? Or is it that I hold no respect at all? Just some outsider, I guess. So why should I work hard in the first place? There was no attention given to me, but only to themselves. Never had they took my priorities into consideration and only theirs. WHY? Is it that difficult to listen to others for once? Or is is that they are extreme ego-ist? Then again, I think it is that I am just the orphan in the family. Asked to do things when needed, not allowed to protest or raise your own thoughts at all.

"Don't care them," that's what I felt the most anger about. It might not mean anything to them, but it meant something to me. Why did they come in the first place? Why did we spent our pratice time just to welcome them? Sure, give the orphans a warm welcome. Then? We threw them away 7 days after. Let them sit on a separated dining table from the family. Why? Aren't they accepted into the big family anymore? Or are they just back-up tools for those elderly who are going to move on soon?

Seriously, if this goes on, I think I don't want to be a part of the family anymore. Cause it sucks. Everyone's changing. Not the people I know anymore, I thought I knew them well. But in reality, I was so distant. So distant... Maybe I shouldn't let myself be engulfed in this "friendship" thing as quickly anymore. I am just a nobody to them. I was a fool. And shall not be one anymore. I would stand firm with my decisions and let my messages be sent across. No matter how far they are, I will shout, scream- whatever it takes to let them hear. If I couldn't. I have failed. And i would leave the family.

2 points? It's easily acheivable when I take away the time I had with the family for studying purposes. Times with the family are rather time-consuming. So I still stand a chance without it. Though I had to thank someone for keeping my sanity in check, who listened to me whenever I felt wronged or vice-versa. A great friend to have. Thanks so much.

Chinese New Year Celebration.

First and foremost, I would say that this year's celebration isn't as good as previous years. I wasn't as high and I was aware of my surroundings. Probably it was because of me, being switched to the first row last minute, without no mental preparations or whatsoever that caused my warriness. I mean, I was faking my smile more than half of the time, trying to think positive , trying to give my all to performance. All fake. If I ain't standing right beside Luigi then, I would believe that it's even harder to act. Then again, It might be me being paranoid, standing infront, more to the side of the sec 4s. It's quite nerve-wrecking when you perform infront of people who know you. Familiar eyes on you- how is it not the cause of anxiety?

I still remembered last year where I just sang without concerns, so free. Got really high that I even started singing the CNY songs on the way home. This year? Naw. Just walk home, thinking about what am I going to do next. Hell, I can't even recall what I did yesterday. All blank. Is it because my memory is failing me or is it that it's not that memorable? Well, I could recall some parts if I try thinking about it hard enough, though not enough to statisfy me.

I even remembered the performance when I was in sec 1, sitting in front of the performance, getting high too- being jumpy, screamed, shouted. It was fun. Seriously. The mood got to me then, even if I was not in choir, I felt it. The aura. Compared to this year's CNY I would say that it's not that contagious. Or am I wrong? Things like that just makes you prob to many things.

Though I have to say that I enjoyed screaming during the start and the end of the performances. When do you get the chance to do that without people discrimating you? I screamed, screamed and screamed. Had lots of fun. Was given comments that I screamed too "loudly", "sharp" that their eardrums hurt. And for that....my throats hurting now. Damn. Need more water.

P.S. Still enjoy screaming though..

Shocking News & haircuts.

Most of you guys who are reading the post here probably knows that I love to sing at home, especially when I am alone right? I found out a real shocking news yesterday. I mean, it's like, I live at 3rd storey, and one day when I sings. I heard myself sister calling me from the first floor, "KOR, I CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE LEH!!" I tried to deny, "No, not me." But she insisted that it was me because my voice is soo recognizable. Freaking, shocking news. Seriously, if she could hear my voice 'loud and clear' when she's at ground floor, what about my neighbours? Now that i think about it, it's sooo embarassing. Lucky no schoolmates live near me or I am going to faint right now.

Phew, I guess it's not that bad afterall. I mean, it's not like they complaint or anything, so perhaps it's a privellage to them to able to hear my music? But then again, it can be done due to respect. Still, they could always call the police... I mean I do it everytime you know. Singing out loud, spamming of high notes. You all should listen to Vitas on youtube. I always sing his 'run' in the song "2nd opera" or something. It's damn fabulous- what's more is that, I don't need to strain my voice to reach that note. Love it.

By the way, I went to have my haircut earlier on, and the auntie who cut my hair, was like saying that I look like sec1,2. What the heck. Do I look that young to you people? I always thought that I look like my age. You know, when I sec 1, look like sec 1 and stuffs. Whatever, at least she never say I look like some graduated teenager. Or I am going to strangle her until she take back her sentences- I mean swallow.

Choir workout day

It's me and luigi who planned out the whole workout day for choir for quite a few hours...and I had to say that the attendance was rather, disheartening. When the clock strikes at 1:30pm, the number of members gathered were less than 10 including the planners. Had the horrible idea of cancelling the practice, but decided to hang on to it and wait for a little more while and that's when the reinforcements arrive!

The numbers weren't that great, BUT...it was enough to play some decent games and we did! It was quite fun and hilarious I would say. Never had any moments of wandering 'bout in the LALAland, instead, was one hundred percent focused on the tasks; became quite hyper. I love the part where we get to do jumping jets- a sight I will never forget! Most of the juniors were clueless about it, so when we started doing it, all kinds of styles were being displayed; half raised hands, waving hands, stuck together feet, etc. Should have video-ed down the whole process, it was simply a comedy.

Played captain's ball after the exercises at basketball court, had a tie, I scored in the last ten seconds- did some really cool stunts back then. Ahh..a memory to be smiled upon remembering. Then did some skipping ropes, but the plan failed due to some short-term drizzle which irritates me soo much. We kind of changed game and played the "pass the message" game which gives me alots of anticipation as to if the sentence will change after a dozen + a few times of passing. Then when i gave my hidden message(I host the game with Vra), the message got mixed up. My message was, "You think you really crever(clever, adapted from mr.sng), shit down(MR.WEE)". The whole message became, "you think you very clever is it? S.K.A.T.E." Which made me crack, results: my stomach hurts.

After that was stalked home by one junior openly because she had nothing better to do. Went to bpp to browse through the books at popular, did it purposely to make her bored. Thinking that it would stop her conquest on stalking, but did not succeed. And so, decided to just walk home, I lose the game. Boo to me!

In the mornings...

It's about 4:50am here when I started writing this post, just finished my A math work along with learning my chinese spelling. I am....hardworking right? Nah, It's just that I woke up in the midnight(3:32am) and started to do my homeworks. Just finished it and saw that I still have some time here, so decided to post this post!

So, what time did I actually sleep to wake up at 3:32am? I slept quite early and i mean, REALLY early, about 7pm I guess. Was really tired than, singing is a really tough job you know? At least I did not "overslept" and slept through the night, or I would have to face the wrath of a certain teacher. Who? Figure it out yourself.

Anyway, the O'lvl results toda..opps, I mean yesterday, was something I didn't expect. Not that I expected much though. Ms soh was like, "bao xin, ni kan dao le mei you?" (Did you see that, Poh Heng?). It was as if she's trying to hint me something. Perhaps she saw through my shield that protects my laziness to be seen by other people. Or does she thinks that I did not try hard enough? Sometimes I just feel that she just have too much expectations from me, I mean, I am a nobody after all. Not outstanding in anything I do. Plain average, as average-ish an average would be. Perhaps that would be the reason why I don't try real hard in studies. Singing is another thing though.

I feel so wanted when I sing in choir, it's like, I need them and they need me, and so, we come together and create music. Homeworks, studies and stuff are always out of my mind during choir because I enjoyed myself too much there that I couldn't think of anything else. I always felt that I am alive during and after choir practices. Be it with a conductor or not, I still do.

I still don't get some of the immatures' mindset of choir being a sissy CCA though. Sure, you don't move around much, you don't sweat much, but that's mainly due to the air-con room we are in. The best thing about choir is that you will have a great feeling of statisfaction when you create the music.

Note here: you CREATE the music.

It does come with a price though, and that is that you need to be committed, pratice a few minutes every single day and stuffs. *Hints for my juniors*

Another best thing about choir is that you sing with your pals as one heartbeat. I mean, duh, we do follow the same timing our conductor gives. Singing with your best-est,er friends just makes the day even more fun! You know, sometimes when you sing the wrong note, and the other knows it, we would just laugh it off.

LOL, i just noticed that I am like advertising for choir. I will stop it for now........or not.

P.S. Choir is a good CCA. :P

Beware of.... Mdm Tan.

Well, it's during the weekends, intended to finish up the math homeworks at one go but it's too much for me, I got bored, and decided to rest. While resting, I suddenly remembered that Mdm Tan told us a week ago that she had been reading everyone's blog during the holidays! And she's going to continue reading them as she finds them interesting....WOW!

At first i didn't really care about that, cause i know only a few from 4E2 link me, but then again, I can't be too sure. Pearle is one of Mdm tan's favourite students and I believe that Pearle had link me, so, I got abit paranoid there. And during the time she said that, I think I saw her looking at my direction, or rather, ME. I discussed it with a few others and they said that I am paranoid. Am I? Can't be too sure. Oh well, at least i don't scold, complaint, discriminate, flame people on my blog. Did I? Geez, I am not even sure of myself anymore.

Note to self: Dont complain about the DMs on the blog.

But...it's not like I would ever do that right? I mean, I am such a nice guy, doing homeworks(even though they are messy), tries to keep up with the school rules(the key word here is TRIES) and I concentrate during classes(only a selected few). See, I have perfectly no reason to complain, so I shouldnt... right?

We can't be sure about that though...whatever it is, just be careful PEEPS. Don't fall into the hands of the devil....they might just stab your heart out with a fork- from your back that is. HEHE. Btw, not calling mdm tan the devil, she's a really good teacher! :)

P.S. Just be careful.

As promised...

Well, a few days ago I promised one of my friends to update my blog but I didn't and dragged it till today. I don't know if I should feel sorry or not because that friend of mine, read my blog as a "back-up blog"-should the blogs he love to read fails to update, he would read my blog. Well, he didn't really say it to my face, I kind of did some inference then. Anyway you, my friend, should be happy that something triggered me to write. I am still following my quota of "I write when inspiration strikes"; it's a lame excuse for escaping writing, but hey, what's worst then not writing? Anyway, the thing that inspires me to write right here and now is my.....BAD DREAM~!

Why? I don't have them for a few years now and then they suddenly pop back. What's more is that the dream somehow makes me think of OSAMA. Even though the main horror of the dream depicts two girls and a man who doesn't even have abit of Osama-look in him, it still makes me think of him, now let me describe the dream i had.....

Okay, It started out with me, looking through a jail door(bars) to see a lady in white inside. She's a prisoner, not anything else. Then, there is this man, most probably the one who's guarding her, walk infront of me to have a look at her which gives me the angle of looking at his sideview and her backview. I can't really see his skin colour well, but i know that he has some half-grown beard, don't wear glasses too. It was quite peaceful then, until....

My view point started to flash, blinding my eyes from time to time to see random scenes of beating up the woman, torturing all displayed. Before ending up with a scene of her back facing me; the blood on her back of the her head was obvious then, that's the thing that caught my attention to look at it. Didn't care about the other details. And so, the true horror begins. Remember when I told you about there being 2 Women? Now the other is here.

So, there i was, still stationary from my previous viewpoint, saw another woman inside the jail, helping the injured one up. Doing something at a angle I can't see, but the piercing screams that came out, startled me to no end. I started to panic, wanting to move, but I can't. I was stuck, I don't know what to do, I just watched as blood started to dominate the cement floor tiles. That was when the man WALK infront of me again, I look at him to see that he has a poker-face on. Shock as I may, I could not stutter anything out from my mouth, could not tell him that there's blood on the tiles, could not say that some violence in hided inside the room. I just watched as he walk away, whistling. And the scene flashed again.

This time, there's someone hugging the two women over their left and right shoulders while they stared hardly at me. I can't see that figure well, it's blured when i tried to think of it. And it flash again back into my room, I open my eyes, to see a one of the woman running towards my direction, I hurried to close my eyes. Then i was awake, as in, really awake. Could still feel the adrenaline, and yea. WOW.

Countdown; New year.

Went out to Marina Square with my 2e2'07 peeps yesterday to celebrate the coming of the new year. Did some bowling, arcade in the afternoon before we went to the grass field outside to camp for a place for the countdown. Played some poker cards while camping. I didn't hear any countdowns at all, perhaps the group whose shouting is too soft, or that everyone is just waiting for each other, so nobody knows when to shout it and thus, we just stand there while waiting for fireworks to be displayed. After watching the fireworks, we took bus 10 to east coast road and proceeded towards east coast park. Found out that the place was filled and since we had nothing to do, the group split, since we have different view on what step to take next. One group decided to go home since it's like a waste of time while the other group wanted to slack around for awhile before going home. The group who wanted to go home decided to sprint along the road for fun's sake, and they sprint(I am included too). It was during that time that I made the conclusion of me, losing at least 2 pounds- since I am stinkingly perspiring. Took a taxi to fajar and bpp to drop off the group along with me. Didn't feel like going home then, so kind of went to one of my peep's house(Jason) with Wei Jie. Played games over there and leave at about 7am.

(I tried to keep it as short as possible, cause no time write leh, school reopening >.<)

P.s. wanted to invite luigi along, but he wasn't at home when i call him. Sorry!