First and foremost, I would say that this year's celebration isn't as good as previous years. I wasn't as high and I was aware of my surroundings. Probably it was because of me, being switched to the first row last minute, without no mental preparations or whatsoever that caused my warriness. I mean, I was faking my smile more than half of the time, trying to think positive , trying to give my all to performance. All fake. If I ain't standing right beside Luigi then, I would believe that it's even harder to act. Then again, It might be me being paranoid, standing infront, more to the side of the sec 4s. It's quite nerve-wrecking when you perform infront of people who know you. Familiar eyes on you- how is it not the cause of anxiety?
I still remembered last year where I just sang without concerns, so free. Got really high that I even started singing the CNY songs on the way home. This year? Naw. Just walk home, thinking about what am I going to do next. Hell, I can't even recall what I did yesterday. All blank. Is it because my memory is failing me or is it that it's not that memorable? Well, I could recall some parts if I try thinking about it hard enough, though not enough to statisfy me.
I even remembered the performance when I was in sec 1, sitting in front of the performance, getting high too- being jumpy, screamed, shouted. It was fun. Seriously. The mood got to me then, even if I was not in choir, I felt it. The aura. Compared to this year's CNY I would say that it's not that contagious. Or am I wrong? Things like that just makes you prob to many things.
Though I have to say that I enjoyed screaming during the start and the end of the performances. When do you get the chance to do that without people discrimating you? I screamed, screamed and screamed. Had lots of fun. Was given comments that I screamed too "loudly", "sharp" that their eardrums hurt. And for that....my throats hurting now. Damn. Need more water.
P.S. Still enjoy screaming though..
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