Sunday, July 10, 2016

Lingering feelings?

  I had a dream. I dreamt about FY in a military setting fused with overwatch characters, in particular Pharah and Winston(gorilla).

  Apparently we were suppose to move to a new dorm and it was first day of the move. I got there early and helped move FY things over too. Then I was on the computer. I reminded myself to call FY over to the new dorm as he was busy with a given task. I lost track of time and suddenly morning came. 

  I woke up to messages from him and he slept in the old dorm. Then our Mission came. So in this world we were all pharahs, flying and shooting cannons to blow away enemies which in this case, are angry gorillas. I sort of had a nostalgia halfway through the battle that it was the like the first meeting I had with FY in the dream. And then I woke. 

  It is not particularly exciting or dreadful. It was a very simple dream. Which however, makes me question once again, who is FY to me. Is he still a crush? Or is he something more? It is not like I have a raging fire inside me that makes me want to see him, yet I know that somewhere inside me, there's always a place for him. And it is irreplaceable. It's a pleasant feeling whenever I think about him. 

  Sometimes I asked myself what if one day he is attached to someone else. Let's face it, this is bound to happen.  How will I feel? How will I react? What if I have decided that on day 1 I wouldn't like her? 

  Growing up is like that I guess. Full of uncertainties. One day you are fine, next moment you are panicking, worrying, thinking of the what ifs. I think as long as you have close friends by your side everything will turn out fine. We will support each other through.

  What if I don't have friends though? Like I couldn't make one at all. Will I still be as headstrong as I am now? Being lonely is such a scary thing. I can never comprehend though, I have been blessed with so many friends(okay la not so many) since I can remember. I need to remind myself to cherish them as much as I can before it is too late. 

  Do I miss him? Answer is yes. 

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Not your typical nightmare

   It has been such a long time since I woke up feeling shaken from a nightmare. I jumped out of my bed abruptly and knocked down my new laptop. It was a loud crash. But I did not rush to see if my gaming laptop was alright. I just sat down on my bed, motionless, trying to recover from the vicious nightmare. What if it becomes real? Or that it is already happening around the world. After a long while I began to scan my surroundings. For a moment I was completely thankful of the life that I have. The room looks peaceful. Like no harm can come my way if I stay in this room. I felt relief. 

  The zen didn't last though. All of the sudden I became paranoid of my surroundings. Like something might be lurking at some corner of my room and they will only come out to grab me when I wasn't looking. Being a 22year old, this is really ridiculous. I blame my imagination for that. However, that's how much the dream terrified me. The details from the start to my rude awakening imprinted deep in my mind.

  It all starts out sunny, like they always do in the dream. You suspect nothing and life is good. I was in a bus with a huge group of people. It was a school trip. Where to? I have no idea but we were heading somewhere. Everyone were talking and laughing, enjoying ourselves when the bus suddenly broke down. We were in the middle of nowhere.  No other signs of life can be seen.

  The teachers couldn't repair the bus so they had to resort to outside help to get us out of our peril. Discussions with the "outsiders" led to them saying they will only afford a small van to carry us out in small groups one at a time. The adults have no other options but to comply, feeling that that is their only option. They were relieved, in fact, that they got us out of a dangerous situation. They could not have been more wrong. 

  Being the nice and sensible person like I always am, I was volunteered to be in the last group of people to be ferried away in that tiny van. The van reeked of a very funny smell. I felt like I could close my eyes. Close I did. The journey became a blur and I could only remember flashes of Friend faces, scared faces, looking at me. I woke up. One of my classmate filled me in, there is a crazy person out that that had been capturing people from our class. What he does with them, we have no idea.

  Apparently one of the teacher felt that something was amissed with the outsiders that he decided to follow the van from behind and realised that the van took the others deeper into the forest. He proceeded on to tailed the van and finally saw its destination. An abandoned lab. From what he had gathered there was many floors underneath the ground.

 By the time he realised this predicament, it was too late. We were the only ones that was saved. He laid a trapped and somehow managed to get us all out in our unconscious state. He said that we need a plan. Or we are never going to get our friends back again. 

  It was an elaborated plan, we went searching for a nearby village just behind that abandoned lab to look for help. Villagers are not willing to help us but was however, able to give us some insight to what was happening. 

  That man who kidnapped our friends, was a failed science experiment. He likes to take victims in the middle of the night and take them back to their lab. Apparently bullets don't work on him and the villagers tried many ways to stop this man. They eventually gave up. They came to one agreement- everyday one person from the village will be chosen to be the sacrificial lamb to this Monster. The hunting stopped. 

  The villagers say that they will not help us in getting our friends back for they are afraid of incuring the wrath of this man beast. We understood where they were coming from and decided to just leave them alone. We felt hopeless. Was there nothing we can do?

 That was when one of them decided to help us, he claimed to be the scientist that worked in that abandoned lab before. He told us the only way to kill that monster was to poison him and to create the poison we need his blood. He said that he knew who the man was before he became a monster and some of the human instincts and traits that are inate can be exploited. 

  He pointed his index finger to a girl in our group. Only you can do it, he says. You have to sacrifice yourself and seduce him. In that very moment, cut him and let his blood dripped into the underground. We can collect the blood there and create the poison to triumph this Monster once and for all. He said, don't worry we will come to your rescue the moment you cut him so everything will be fine. She reluctantly agreed. Oh boy, why did she even agree to such a ridiculous idea. 

  We went to the villagers and asked if we can do our part and put one of our people as the sacrificial lamb for the night. They happily agreed to it. 

  Then it happend, this monster came and saw our Friend when it was completely dark. He tackled her down to the floor and immediately stripped her and himself. In the dark of the night I could only squint to see the shadows of this huge man over the small frame of the girl. Then it happened. The clouds moved and moon reflected light upon the monster's face. The girl screamed. Hell, even I felt like screaming but I kept it in. It wasn't the face of a human. You could see some features but It was heavily disfigured. There were no human nose; it was replaced by a wildboar's nose that was sewn to his face. 

  Hastily she took out a knife that she was hiding and cut the arms of this man-boar. He did not even flinched. Instead he picked her up like she was nothing and fled into the forest. The girl's cries for help quickly became muffled and soon, it was silent. 

  Our group was in despair. We rushed to help her but it was too late. The man boar was just too fast for us. The scientist came to us and told us that it is not a waste as he was able to get some blood sample from the man boar to create the poison. And he left the scene. 

  Our group felt that we were done for the night and went seperate ways to sleep in different villagers houses. Why did we even allow this to happen, I don't know. I followed the scientist home of course. I am the main character of the nightmare.

  He began to perform various tasks with the blood and soon, one flask with the blood turned solid. YES, he exclaimed. I found the poison to destroy him. With this, we can solidify the blood of the man boar and leave him to die! I told the scientist to meet us asap at the entrance of the lab as I ran out to regroup the others to save the girl. 

  They were all man-handled by the villagers in the supermarket. We will not allow you to go, the villagers said. At that moment I felt really betrayed and I turned into some crazy ass kung fu fighter and punched one of the old man in the jaw and blood came splotting out. He was definitely bruised. And I went berserk with the items in the supermarket, throwing it around and messing the place up. 

  Eventually I was able to create a havoc that everyone was able to escape. I told them about the discovery and said that we should bolt to the abandoned lab straight away to save our Friend. They agreed. When we reached our destination the scientist was nowhere in sight. We waited for an hour. He was still nowhere to be seen.

  At this point of time, our group was growing restless and decided that we should just go in and save our friends through the power of our sheer numbers.  Good odds right? Nope. The man boar ambushed us when we were in the hallway and even managed to clingwrap the rest of my group tightly in pairs. Suffocating them. They didn't had the strength to come out. We tried to Attack the man boar but he didn't seem to feel anything at all. Horrible horrible situation.

  My crazy ass kungfu skills were useless against this Monster and I ran. I ran past various rooms, each room filled with disfigured people who barely resembled some of my classmates. All of them clingwrapped in thick layers and struggling to breathe. Some didn't struggled, which I assumed to be dead. I ran even faster but it was still no match to the speed of that clingwrap Monster. A huge hand grabbed my shoulder and I woke up. Sweaty from this nightmare. 


  

 

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Fast forward 10 years later.

  There's a distance. Well, I knew that there would be distance but not this much. It saddens me that people come and go. 

  I mean we are still talking and stuff. But somehow I do not want to be the only one trying, and it always feels like I am. Am I expecting too much? I don't think so.

  If I were to fast forward to 10 years later. Who will I see standing beside me? How many will stay? I don't know. I don't know a lot of things but these things don't worry me. I am only afraid that I will be alone in the future. And that I am broke of course.

  Maybe it's time to adopt some pets to keep my company. 

  

Sunday, November 1, 2015

So angry I can't even

  Well just recently my Dad asked me the night before what I want for breakfast. He suggested duck and char Siew. Sounds nice right? I agreed. So morning came and I was excited for my duck. Such a rare gesture from my Dad to be this nice. I was hungry so I went over to the kitchen. Wow he even put those meats on the plate! What's the special occasion?

  I went to get rice from the rick cooker and unveiled my food. I was a little confused about the portion of the meat. It is definitely not half, not even a quarter. I paid no mind and started searching for the meat. Obviously. After scavenging through the entire plate for a few times, I found no meat. NO MEAT ALL BONES. Hmmm weird, never mind I will just eat the Char Siew. Yucks, it was dry and hard and fucking gross. All of the sudden, everything clicked. 

  I am given leftovers. LEFTOVERS FROM THE MOTHERFUCKING MISTRESS FAMILY. He even planned it. Asked me the night before knowing that I agree and made him looked like a nice person. Wow the amount of effort he made to make me eat leftovers. I must clap for him. 

  First he bought duck for the Mistress family and let them enjoy thoroughly. Making sure there's no meat left. Then he ask if I want to eat the night before and even went to cook rice early in the morning. Then he transfer the bones onto the plate to make it look nice. WOW WHAT A CARING FATHER. 

  Yesterday he asked me again if I want duck. I said no. This morning he came with one whole duck. Most probably he bought it yesterday and the Mistress family don't want to eat it that's why he brought it home. Gross disgusting. No way am I eating anything he bought home again. That's why I am out now eating random food and watching a movie alone later. Ahhh, I need to get rich and get out of this house ASAP. 

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Fears

  So out of nowhere, my uncle's gf/wife( I still dont know if they are married) passed away yesterday. I attended the funeral service and all seems very surreal to me. She is still young, like about 40~50 years old and she pass away due to diabetes. I did not think much of it then, just that I have to be there to support my uncle and wish him best of luck. After I sat down with my family, I started to observe people who came for the funeral service. Half of them are people who are like him, mute. I used to pity people like my uncle a lot, but I guess they dont need no pity. They seem simple and happy go lucky. It is quite nice to see those genuine expressions on peoples' faces for a change. Do I envy them? Maybe.

  On the way home, I started thinking about how fragile life is. Then I thought about my bestest friend in the world, Luigi. Since earlier this year, he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I am really afraid that the same thing might happen to him. That I have to attend his funeral service. I thought about it and I almost broke down. It is difficult having people you know and love being on the verge of death every single day. I dont know what to think. Maybe dying young isn't such a bad thing after all, so you wont have to see anyone else you love pass away.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Bored in camp

So I manage to spend most of the time playing with dubsmash. Alas, I have finally run out of faces to make playing with the app. Anything more and I might just rip my face out just to be fresh. If only I got a more expressive face. Then again, I am proud of those few videos I decided to save. 

  This is day 1 in camp with no one from my clique around. It's already very tiring. The people from other platoon are all busy doing actual work. So I can't go and disturb them. There is nights out tomorrow, I can't wait to go out and eat! Hopefully they wanna k tomorrow cause I am in the mood to sing~

Thursday, September 17, 2015

I hate it

I hate it when there are people who I really like and are close to me but I stand no chance to be with them. 

I hate it when they start talking about other people fondly.

I hate it when people talk about their "types" and I have to half lie because I don't know if the truth will be accepted.

I hate it when I realise my NS life is coming to an end and many of my close friends are flying away to study.

I hate it when I think the chances of me meeting up with old friends decreases over time.

I hate it when I feel that I will be alone in the future. 

I hate it.  I hate it. I hate it.