Hey people, I am feeling so happy today! I finally got to taste fried salmon skin and its super delicious! Also, I was pushed to take orders and it went super well! Actually, there's no such thing as super well in taking orders, its more like, I made no mistakes in doing it at all! I even wrote my first bill to my customers today! In other restaurants, its not a really big thing, but over here, we have to count the colored plates as people can just grab food from the conveyor belts and different designs of the plates represent different amount of money!
It feels like I can just do this job forever but I think, perhaps, over a period of time I will get bored. So far so good and I am enjoying every single minute there! I love it when people smile at me and say thank you. I love it when I am able to perform customer's request perfectly. I love it when I know that I am competent. Someone asked me this question recently, "What do you aim for in life." It was actually my lecturer who asked me that. When I heard that question, my mind went blank. I thought to myself, what do I exactly want to do? I couldnt find any words to speak, I swallowed my saliva with many difficultly and I suddenly just thought of myself working part time at Ichiban Sushi.
I answered, "feeling good". As usual, she probed more. What does it mean to feel "good"? I told her that I feel good when I feel competent and efficient. It wasnt a lie, but it was just a partial truth. Ultimately, what I want is people to acknowledge me. I guess that's the kind of person I am. I am a disgusting people pleaser and when people praise me or appreciate me, I feel good and I love it and I want more.
So I brought home lots of fried salmon skin, but I suddenly dont feel like eating anymore. I am quite full from the sushi and that strawberry + peach pie tart. I feel that if I eat anymore I will definitely grow in my weight and what I need in my life now is to be skinnier. I have to throw it away I guess. Everyone in my home is sleeping now and I am forbidding myself to get tempted.
I do not know why, but some people in my workplace see me as "theodore" from alvin and the chipmunks. One of them commented that I am the type who cries a lot( OMG, how does she know). Turns out that she infer-ed from my voice. That I have a soft voice and that's why I am soft and therefore I cry easily. Does it really work that way? Anyway, she continued to ask me like super weird questions. One of the questions she asked was, "What if there's a really great guy and he's giving you all the attention and asked you out?" I was shocked. It always lead to that kind of questioning whenever I talk to people. "Are you gay?", "Any guys you like?" blah blah blah. Aedy says that I give out that vibe, that I-am-gay vibe. I really have to say AMEN to that. How to train myself to become more masculine?
The first thing that came to my mind is NS. Shit.
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