So I have 3 reports that I need to submit by this coming Friday and I still haven't start on any yet and this is pretty scary cause I don't feel anxious, not with the busy schedule I have this week.
I guess my mind have been in a turmoil ever since I came back to church! Even my sleeping problem is back and it became really frequent! Just too many things to think about and I don't know what to do with it. Whenever I come up with a solution, another factor pops up and spoils the whole equation! It's really frustrating and it messes my mind up. All my logical thinking doesn't seem to get any better when there's another thing called the heart factor. I am a pretty emotional person, so it gets really hard to wrestle with it. It's like I know that I will get drag into drama episodes if I follow my heart, which I know that I have to stay clear off, but my body still wants it. Sometimes I wonder If I am a masochist on the inside! Nah, i like inflicting pain cause I love to pull people's teeth!
Oh ya, I also started to nosebleed quite recently! Okay, super random. Anyway, what should I do now? I am seriously lost. Well, G actually sent me an encouragement over the SMS to seek the lord. I thank her but I felt that it is irrelevant to me because it is not that I don't seek, but every time when I do, I feel condemned. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get past this stage, it seems really impossible now. Not with all the emotions coming back recently just because of a few words spoken about me indirectly which people could have passed as just a comment.
I am seriously messed up, but somehow I am excited about my life. Where would I end up as time goes by? What will I do and what are the consequences? Will God or the Devil win? Hopefully everything will be fine and I will be happy at the end of the trip because that is what I want. Anyway, I reach my stop le! Gotta end my entry! :D
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