Solidifying my thoughts

Those who actually said that they miss me when I go back to church yet did not message me at all- I am scared of them. Not that they are not nice people, but I feel that they are hypocrites. Are we seriously close at all?

Almost 2 years in church, I threw away so much possibilities of friendship with my friends who are outside of church, friends who I know I will have tons of fun with, friends who might even be better friends than people from church. Yet at the end of the day, what did I gain? Then again, I am expecting too much, because I know, I have made a few friends who are worth keeping, friends who see me as a friend than a LG/Unit mate. That which I am glad for.

Honestly, going back to church for these two weeks make me realize one thing. It may came off as feelings of awkwardness, but if I see it from another point of view, it is plainly because I don't want to interact with them anymore. Why do I want to interact with people who call me friends and yet do nothing when I was in struggle?

No wonder they say, true friends stay with you through your thick and thins. With time, you will really know who cares for you and who don't. Action speaks louder than words, though for some, I expected as much, there are some that I was hoping for more and yet nothing came and it hurts. Truth hurts and I just need to learn how to deal with it, and treat them accordingly I guess.

Haha, most probably next week, I will be eating with my LG already, hopefully everything ends nicely. Now, I am just hoping that they don't shower me with the fake greetings and speech. Now I just want to focus on my last month in this course and hope that things end well for me.

Somehow on the previous service, I cried out to god so many times and nothing came. I need my answer from God. A definite answer. Or have I "indulge" myself deeply into "sin" that god is no longer with me?

God if you are real, you will give me a reason to go back to church, to go back to your arms. Cause honestly, I don't see the point in going back to service anymore. Really.