Basically, I went out and meet up with Aedy for some "afternoon tea" and she was half an hour late. Ended up I bought egglets, milk tea and honey lemon to consume while she bought nothing. The time spent was short but it was quality time and enjoyable. After walking around the shipping mall for like god knows how many times, we decided to walk out of the mall into her neighborhood. That's when I realize the existence of sunshine(?) plaza and it had this amazing cheap stationary shop that have many hidden treasures that are long gone in the present market. Out on impulse, I bought so many things that perhaps I will never use even though I am short on cash this month. I guess that in the end, it's worth it. It makes me happy so why not?
I actually planned to have a haircut today so that when I go back to school when attachment reopens, I dont have to worry so much but the queue was freaking long, why the hell does people want to cut hair the same time as I do? I abandoned the idea and decided to go to the library to slack, ended up that the library was closed. Feeling desperate, I went up to roof garden and just sat down amongst couples of all ages and races. That's when I started typing this post and felt that it's really enjoyable!
Luckily the weather is cloudy and windy, a perfect timing to sit under a tree and relax. To just chill. Now that O have summed up what I did today, I don't have anymore to type already, but I don't feel like stopping cause I don't know what else to do le.
I guess I will just talk a bit about myself. I am the kind of person with super low esteem. Just because I love to sing infront of my friends doesn't anything okay? It just shows how desperate I am to be worthy of something. Singing is one of the only things that I can think about that is positive about me. Not that I am good or anything, but occasionally people praised me and that is enough.
I am the kind of person if me and my friend would be caught in an accident and only one of us can make it out alive, I will sacrifice myself. Because my friend have a life ahead of him/her, and my life is actually worthless. That's why when my friends are in trouble, I would be more than willing to help and if I were to be in trouble, I would shut all of them out. Cause I don't deserve their concern, that they don't have to waste their time on me.
I know, it's stupid. I am stupid. I am probably as stubborn as an OX too. You don't have to shoot me, I will shoot myself. I am also selfish, lazy, cold, anal, lousy, emotional and disgusting too. But that's just me. I guess it's not about all the bad things about myself, it's more about what do I do with my bad qualities. Then again, I don't do anything about them, I just followed my emotions and messed up big time. All the time. So drama queen sia, really.
The sky seems to be darker now, I wonder if it's gonna rain or just that it's getting dark. No matter the point, I am still gonna sit here and enjoy my peace . Looking at the people around me, All in pairs or groups, I can't help but to think what brought them to this place that I am sitting. What was their plan for today? To come to Roof Garden to chat? They all seem to be enjoying themselves, then again, me too. Watching people spending time enjoying each other's presence and a little bit of nature is so heartwarming.
What should I feel about this? I don't know, my brain is telling me to feel envy, to feel jealous, but I honestly don't. Just peace and serenity. Haha, my secondary school choir friends just called me, asking me if I wanna join them at town area for dinner- Ain't nobody got time for that. Kidding la, I suddenly remember about this line and it's so damn cool. I wanna learn her accent. Anyway, I am just so comfortable here that I don't wanna move so much and I plan to watch les miserable tonight. ( On a side note, my thumbs are starting to feel numb and exhausted.)
I really thank god for these secondary school friends. They are so awesome ad they came to me when I was feeling "alone". They gave me a place where I can feel a sense of belonging. Thanks to them, I got over the stage of feeling empty cause I left church. Being with them is so enjoyable, even more so when our houses are ALL within walking distance and we have our little headquarters!
Haha, the sky have changed to a darker tone, signaling the near end of day time. (what the fuck am I writing.) Suddenly, I remembered my small little interest in writing stories. English composition is the best homework ever and I always ask for more. Also, I realize that I became more crude nowadays, saying the word "fuck" feels so naturally to me now. I wonder HY, it might be the company that I am hanging out with. Nevertheless, it's me and I am okay with it.
Okay, I am going to stop writing for now, cause my thumbs are really tired and I will go check the barber to see if it's still crowded. I still want to cut my hair. Hopefully that there's no queue. The weather is so comfortable and windy. Okay, bye. :D
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