A little updates!

So basically, I am not exactly doing well in my spiritual life recently and I don't know what to do. As in, I know what to do- read bible, come before God with a heart of repentance and do a simple prayer. It's basics, every Christian know this. However, I can't seem to do it, and I don't feel the presence of Holy Spirit within me anymore. I don't know what's happening and why, but I do know that God always wants a relationship with us and he is a gentleman. So unless we don't want it on our own, there's no way we can feel god.

I am the kind of person who doesn't know how to handle awkward relationships. It's has always been like that, since last time til now. I am never good at resolving them, and when I feel that it's too much for me to handle, I would usually just turn a cold shoulder on people. Fyi, "too much" in this instance is used in many ways. For example, it may be due to the fact that I felt that the person have disappointed me badly, or perhaps the person seem to be using me or even me feeling that I have disappointed that person or lastly, I just want something else that being with this person wouldn't be able to give me.

I am sort of feeling this way with God now, and I think that I am subconsciously tuning him out from my llife. I have no idea how to undo this stupid thing that my brain seem to enjoy doing, but it's causing me to have so many questions in my life. Questions and doubts about what I have exactly been doing, praying, worshipping and stuff. All I know is that, as time drags on, little pieces of me seems to be eaten up and I don't enjoy what I enjoyed doing anymore. Everything felt like a chore now, and somehow, my mind is asking me to break free. Suddenly, I feel so caged. It's suffocating.

For a long time it has been a struggle for me, mentally, regarding this one issue and I can't seem to get over it. Whatever choice I will choose later on, I hope that I will not lose myself in the process! Jiayou!