Wake up alone.

  No matter how hard I try to be positive in life, nothing much seems to appeal to me anymore. Though I had a great and awesome day today, when I get home, the feelings disappeared. Just like in the song, wake up alone.

  It's okay in the day, I'm staying busy

Tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is heGot so sick of crying, so just latelyWhen I catch myself I do a 180
I stay up, clean the house, at least I'm not drinkingRun around just so I don't have to think about thinkingThat silent sense of content that everyone getsJust disappears soon as the sun sets
  I guess this kind of thing needs time, the more I gave, the more time I need to collect them back one by one. It should be a matter of time I let go of everything that clutches me deeply in my heart. Jiayou, Poh Heng, jiayou.

  Today, one of my secondary best friend replied me, like finally. I should be feeling very happy, jumping around, but I dont seem to be doing that at all. I felt indifferent, I dont feel the connection I had with him anymore. This is such a sad feeling, now I even dread when he finally decides to meet me. I mean, after all this attempts of trying to connect with him, now then he decides to reply me? Why? Because he pity me? I DONT WANT PITY.

  I just want someone who understands me and be there for me. Is that too much to ask for?

  Anyway, the last time i think I literally jumped from happiness was when he replied me on our very first cold war. I was so emotional then to even communicate with anyone, just so tired about life and I had to deal with a glare that messed me up. It was that one glare that made me realize how much I see him as a close friend in my life. If anyone else in the church does that to me at that time, I wouldnt even care less. But from him, I guess its just different.

  Oh well, I realized that in the end, I am always initiatiing most of the time. Does that confirm the fact I care more about patching up? I shouldnt think so much for now, its been a long day for me and I really need some sleep.