It's been awhile...

It suddenly dawned to me that I have not written any blog entries since the March holiday ended. Why? That's the first question I asked myself. Recalling the things I have done for the past few weeks, I came up with the conclusion that my tight schedule, as well as the breakdown of my laptop discontinued my blogging streak. Now that I am up back writing, I have decided to re-dominate the multiply website again with my cheesy lines, hoping to once again improve my not-so-perfect english along with my brain. I just have this feeling that I have not been thinking as much as before: my focus gradually slips away whenever I tried to enforce it to a task. Hell, I even felt drowsy during some lessons! My friends told me that it was the heat( they almost slept too), however, I personally feel that the heat should not be a pretext used for our unresponsible behaviour- I am guilty of not sleeping as much as I should.

At the same time, I can't deny that I derserve some sympathy from the others too; SYF( Singapore Youth Festival) is just round the corner and I can't help but to be haunted by this suffocating air around me. Chest tightens whenever I think of the date: 17th August. It is not just a day when I sing and that's it. It's the day where we show to the whole school that choir can do something too. A day where everyone has been working forward, and the day where I will officially step down from choir, the day of my last performance. It saddens me to say that we would not be together after that, I know I can visit them from time to time, but that would only make me feel worst( I believe), as I would not be able to sing with them anymore. I just hope that I could walk away this school basking with proud and joy that I was once in this choir. It's disheatening but I have to say this, even my optimism has it own limits. Sometimes I just can't help but to feel that there is no sense of urgency in the choir; they still appear to be sloppy and slacking whenever possible, even defiance when scolded( for some).

Still, I can't bring my heart to let them go. I am used to do all stuffs for choir, who would accomplish them when I am not around? Will the said person do good with his/her new job? Also, who would help the baritones now? They have not reach up to the standard to lead yet and it's a long way to go. Perhaps inducing them with harsh situations will help tighten them up, but what if they are not resilient enough? Would they let go of the responsibilty? I have heard that a few of the seniors in choir had entertained thoughts about letting go after SYF and are still entertaining with it. What would happen to choir in the future? How I wish to foresee it now, so that I could get rid of the problems.

The only thing that I can find comfort in, is the presence of our instructor, Mr Chen, as well as the teachers-in-charge. I know they would not give up on choir easily, and will do anything to halt choir's ultimate demise. They will hold on to it, that I am sure. But are they able to hold it well? Afterall, it's not their choice that choir will be there, instead, it's the students choice. Sure, the adults can do alot of stuff, but what if the members are bend on quitting, what can they do? Nothing. So many things I want to prevent, yet as powerless as I am, I could only hope for the best. I feel so pathetic now. Time flies when you enjoy, that I finally understood, Deep in regret now as I failed to see it and cherish every moment, I guess that's what you will get when you take everything for granted. Absolute regrets: why didn't I do that in the first place?

Sorry for such an emotional post for my comeback, I just can't help it; just like many things I life.