Cant sleep.

  So I woke up in the middle of the night, 3.30am and I couldnt sleep at all. Then I saw Aedy's message from Rebecca. No wonder she was trying so hard to be nice to me and acting as if we were so close. I still remember how she acted to me the other time, though we didnt talk that much but I'd prefer the Reb then than now. How can she be so fake when facing people she needs to be in contact with? I dont understand.

  Then I just started to think about so many things, how do they come to the conclusion that they are going to restructure me to Reb's lg? Cause they feel that I am not comfortable with my current one? Or they feel that its going to help me if the change is being made. I dont think that this is a wise decision, to me it will just feel even more awkward cause there are just some members in that group that I dont want to be in contact with. There are just some people who I dont want to spend "quality" time with. Please, no more.

  Just like that, a trip back to the church, make me wake up in the middle of the night. Stress? Too many things on mind? Just like that, I cried again for god knows what reason. Why am I so dumb?

  Anyway I am really addicted to "Like a star" from Becky Hills, the only problem with this song is the person that I think about when I hear/sing this song. A person who doesnt care at all, and I just feel so pathetic. Pathetic Poh Heng is pathetic and lousy and dumb. Why cant you get over it?

  Oh yes! OMG! I almost forgot about this piece of information- guess who I saw in my church when I finally came back? My senior in voice ensemble when I was in year 1! Can you believe it? I am so surprised and while he was standing there, waiting for my reply. I ignored him. I didnt know what to say, except to tell Aedy about it and we laughed like idiots. Seriously, when was the last time I laughed like that and felt that fate is so coincidental? God, are you making fun of me, are you playing with my mind?

  I felt that I was really rude now that I think about it. As in, if I were to approach someone who I thought I was close with, expecting some conversation to start and all the person did was to ask me a few questions then turned to his friend and and literally LAUGH OUT LOUD. While I stood there, waiting for something to happen, some miracle to fall upon me.

  Then the next day I went to my Kim's church with Luigi and it was such a shame that we couldnt attend the english service. Cause there was this ang moh guest speaker and DAMN he can sing! Chinese worship songs are a bit sian to me, always feeling so stale. What I dont like about Kim's church is that they compose their own songs- not that I am against it but all of the songs composed are ALL having the same chord progression and key! The lyrics are the worse, so freaking superficial. Though I am far from God now, but I know that definitely if I am a believer I wouldnt be able to feel the mighty presence of God.

  God I am sorry that I am judging now, but I think you will feel as offended as me. BEND BEND BEND BEND BEND during the end of worship session? Do they really call that worship? Sounds to me that I have to bring Kim to my church real soon and let her hear and feel what is true worship.