Somehow, somewhere, someone created a time machine. And that very same person offers me a trip on the new invention. There is this one flaw though: I could only go back to the time when I was in secondary school. Will I grab the opportunity and go back? Many would accept the deal without a moment's hesitation. Not me, I found myself in the stage of dilemmia. Should I, or not? I have been pondering.
Choir was the ONLY reason why I went to school everyday, be it that there were(or no) practices. I hate it when my friends say that I have been spending lots of time with choir members, but in truth, they hardly hang out with me after school. Almost all of the time, its going home directly after school. They only hang out with me because I just so happen to stay in school. Then, clashes happen when they are "lonely" and accused me of not spending my time with them.
I dont have to be the only one keeping the conversations going, you know... I always feel that way when I hang out with you guys. If I dont talk, no one approaches me. I felt like an outsider. I have to earn my own conversations. Really. The days before secondary school life ends, I felt that I dont belong in the class at all. I realized that I dont have a clique to attach myself into, I was so alone. Why? Why did it happened?
Its not like I backstabbed any of you, but the only thing I got back were a handful of sharp knifes on my back. I tried my best to help, didnt I? Why do you guys have to be so cold-hearted and pretended that nothing is going on. Even until the moment I found out about the truth, at least have the decency to tell me what happened. But no, you guys kept the facade going...on and on.
Luigi says that I always hold grudges. But do I really? Sure, when I dislike someone, I would pour venom out from my mouth, but at the end of the day, I know that I dont really hate the person as much as I have said. It is just my way of exerting my emotions, I guess. Up til now, I dare say that I never dislke anyone in my entire life. There were moments, yea, but they never lasts. Its not that I dont want to dislike someone, it is just not possible for me. If I were to describe myself crudely in one word, I would say: emotion-less.
There are things in life, I have decided to let go, one by one. No matter how hurt/wonderful it is. You guys, made up more than half of my upper secondary life. Although you guys provided me with the fun times...I think that, it is time for me to let go. Sometime in the future, when I grow up and work in a healthy environemt with good colleagues. They would ask me of my secondary school life. And my answer?
"I have nothing."
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