Choir

For some reason, I suddenly have this urge to write about this, not sure why though, it is now nearing midnight. Seriously, I have given some thoughts about this, whether to go for the last two practices during june holidays as required, or to just go to pratices when I had the time. If I let my body take over my mind, it will definitely choose the latter. But there's one little problem I have here: How exactly do I define if I had the time or not?

O'lvls are nearing, that's for sure. How much time do I exactly have left? Before we sang for our SYF, I told myself, that I would spend all my time on choir, that I would raise our standard to the next level and after that, I let go. That's the way in life, isn't it? Like what one of my friend says, this choir I have here, is merely a part of my secondary school life, my life doesn't just end here; I will have to report to another school, join new clubs. make new friends. And in order to acheive this, I have to let go of this burden I have here, and carry another burden.

And now what? The current members are either over relying on the graduating seniors or having second thoughts on joining this CCA, that the whole choir collapses. To be honest, I have foreseen this soon-to-be tradegy already, I have noticed the way the choir sang when one or two good ones are missing, the volume a whole bunch made that equals to one, and the efforts put into singing. I have already voiced my thoughts regarding this issues long before the SYF. It was somehow neglected, I suppose. The others somehow thought that the choir could survive just because we took in alot of male singers this year; it is not entirely about the numbers, it's more of the passion, the willingness to work.

It's not that I don't want to sing in zhenghua choir anymore, it is just that, that one exam that determines my future is just within a few months! I know I did not do well for the chinese paper, which just adds up to the why-I-shouldn't-go-choir list. Doesn't it? I have already serviced myself selflessly the moment I stepped into choir- planning stuffs, making it happen.. And as a result, my results dropped, my mid-year was a disaster. L1R5- 28; Where can I exactly go? And I thought I could apply for direct admission with my results....

Luigi has explained the other side of the story to me, that Mr.Chen wanted to present the very same silver choir on stage to the others, to show that what we sang isn't a fluke, choir isn't just some sing-song CCA and that we are good. I know his intentions, I understand, I support his decisions, for I know he is wise. That's why I suppose I will go for those practices as per required.

For the remaining ones, allow me to be selfish for once, I will only go when I am statisfied with my progress. This june holiday, I suppose, is one of the most important months of my school life. I will make sure that I do not regret, that I do not live in agony just because I helped my CCA to get that short amount of glory. I mean, think about it, the secondary 4s come back and assisted the choir, then? Attract new members? Make people gape in awe? And after that, what? The secondary 4's leave, and everything collapses AGAIN. And what's the price the sec 4s gave?

I may sound to be over exaggerating now, but what can I say? Every single minute is precious, and not to forget, the activity we are doing requires minutes after minutes everyday. It may sound little, but what if we sum all the little minutes here and there?

The juniors might feel that I am some jerk now, thinking that I am bullshitting and have just lost passion in singing. That I do not blame you, I used to think the same too, "if the seniors really liked choir, they should have gone at every opportunity". Now that I am in their shoes, am the senior, I am finally able to comprehend their situation; I felt the steadily growing tension, be it in the classroom, across the level, or even between schools the competition is fierce; and therefore I should not diverge my attention, I could not afford to be. I am not asking sympathies, just understanding would do. For I know, you guys will know it in due amount of time.....