Looking at the brownish dull mended object in my hand, I sighed. It has been three years since the fateful accident yet the horrible memories still haunted me till today. I have tried to forget about it time after time by doing all kinds kind deeds but it cannot purify my already tainted heart. After all, I am the cause of his death.....
It was on a Friday, 13th February 2009(also known to be an unlucky day), supposedly the best day of my life- the day where I celebrated my sixteen birthday. I was blindfolded then, excited by the thought of being led into an unknown place, trusting them with my safety as they guided me. The butterflies in my stomach began to flutter hyper actively when my skin came in contact with cold air. Cold air, I thought and inhaled it deeply. The scent of lavender invaded my nose and I started to jump about frantically, asking them if we had reached our destination.
My friends cooed me, told me to be patient and promised me something magnificent- something that would make me drop my jaw in awe; which embarked my dreamy journey towards utopia and my expectations rose a few levels higher. After a few minutes, we were stopped by a man and was guided into another room after one of my friends had an incoherent conversation with him. The attendant left and my friends gave me permission to get rid of the piece of black cloth tied to my face.
The moment I took my blindfold off, I was stunned by the beauty of the ballroom. I knew most of them were wealthy, but not that wealthy! I took a glance at the room and then to my friends, they were grinning.
"Surprise!" They shouted instantaneously. I smiled and jumped on them thanking them profusely with tears of joy streaming down my cheeks. We parted a few minutes later and proceeded on with the party. Everything was still joyful then, until the present-giving session.
One by one, they came up to me and gave their presents- all branded, except for one. When Sean came up to me and gave me his, I flared up. It was an old brownish teddy bear. I knew his family was in need of money but I did not expect him to give me this junk. Everyone laughed and I was embarrassed. I told him off and shooed him away from the room hoping to flush the source of my unwanted emotions out. He was initially not included in this surprise(I could tell) but when I told my other friends that he was my best friend as I named out my "wants for this party" they had no choice but to include him. And now my actions of kicking him away, delighted my "friends" more than ever; they even jeered at him and assisted in pushing him away.
He screamed that that was all he could afford, that he was sorry for not working hard enough(he did part-time jobs), but I paid no heed to him. I knew he relied on me for his mental stability(his father often abuses him) and I also knew that the gift was given by his mother to him when she was still alive yet I ruthlessly got him away, even though it was not his fault at all; he even gave away his only memoirs of his mother.
After he was out of my sight, I received a few calls from him and I ignored them. Irritated after a few minutes of the non-stop calling, I took a penknife and shredded the bear into pieces, took the remains, went out and threw it all at him. He sobbed and questioned me why I did that to him, I put up my cold facade and hold up my hand- doing a universal sign that says, "talk to my hand".
He picked up his shredded pieces of bear and ran away. I felt remorseful after he left, but I shrugged it off and thought that I could apologize to him later. So, I continued with my celebration.
On the very next day, I felt deeply regretful. Reason: News headline- Unable to handle problems, a kid jumped off.
I was crestfallen, unable to make up for what I did, I tried to take my life too but stopped in the midst of the process. At that very spilt second when I was about to suicide, trains of thoughts ran through me and I hesitated. Was it the fear of dying? Or was it that it would not make a difference even if I did it or not? It would destroy all my hope of making up right? After settling my bewildered feelings, I jumped back into the platform, picked up pieces of the teddy bear, and went back home to mend it. From that moment onwards, I decided that I was indebted to him and would live with it for the rest of my life. The mended bear is the sign of my promise.
It was on a Friday, 13th February 2009(also known to be an unlucky day), supposedly the best day of my life- the day where I celebrated my sixteen birthday. I was blindfolded then, excited by the thought of being led into an unknown place, trusting them with my safety as they guided me. The butterflies in my stomach began to flutter hyper actively when my skin came in contact with cold air. Cold air, I thought and inhaled it deeply. The scent of lavender invaded my nose and I started to jump about frantically, asking them if we had reached our destination.
My friends cooed me, told me to be patient and promised me something magnificent- something that would make me drop my jaw in awe; which embarked my dreamy journey towards utopia and my expectations rose a few levels higher. After a few minutes, we were stopped by a man and was guided into another room after one of my friends had an incoherent conversation with him. The attendant left and my friends gave me permission to get rid of the piece of black cloth tied to my face.
The moment I took my blindfold off, I was stunned by the beauty of the ballroom. I knew most of them were wealthy, but not that wealthy! I took a glance at the room and then to my friends, they were grinning.
"Surprise!" They shouted instantaneously. I smiled and jumped on them thanking them profusely with tears of joy streaming down my cheeks. We parted a few minutes later and proceeded on with the party. Everything was still joyful then, until the present-giving session.
One by one, they came up to me and gave their presents- all branded, except for one. When Sean came up to me and gave me his, I flared up. It was an old brownish teddy bear. I knew his family was in need of money but I did not expect him to give me this junk. Everyone laughed and I was embarrassed. I told him off and shooed him away from the room hoping to flush the source of my unwanted emotions out. He was initially not included in this surprise(I could tell) but when I told my other friends that he was my best friend as I named out my "wants for this party" they had no choice but to include him. And now my actions of kicking him away, delighted my "friends" more than ever; they even jeered at him and assisted in pushing him away.
He screamed that that was all he could afford, that he was sorry for not working hard enough(he did part-time jobs), but I paid no heed to him. I knew he relied on me for his mental stability(his father often abuses him) and I also knew that the gift was given by his mother to him when she was still alive yet I ruthlessly got him away, even though it was not his fault at all; he even gave away his only memoirs of his mother.
After he was out of my sight, I received a few calls from him and I ignored them. Irritated after a few minutes of the non-stop calling, I took a penknife and shredded the bear into pieces, took the remains, went out and threw it all at him. He sobbed and questioned me why I did that to him, I put up my cold facade and hold up my hand- doing a universal sign that says, "talk to my hand".
He picked up his shredded pieces of bear and ran away. I felt remorseful after he left, but I shrugged it off and thought that I could apologize to him later. So, I continued with my celebration.
On the very next day, I felt deeply regretful. Reason: News headline- Unable to handle problems, a kid jumped off.
I was crestfallen, unable to make up for what I did, I tried to take my life too but stopped in the midst of the process. At that very spilt second when I was about to suicide, trains of thoughts ran through me and I hesitated. Was it the fear of dying? Or was it that it would not make a difference even if I did it or not? It would destroy all my hope of making up right? After settling my bewildered feelings, I jumped back into the platform, picked up pieces of the teddy bear, and went back home to mend it. From that moment onwards, I decided that I was indebted to him and would live with it for the rest of my life. The mended bear is the sign of my promise.
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