Feeling bad.

I just felt extremely inferior. You know, whenever I thought I was way high up on the peak, I was wrong. I was not even half-way up. This type of realisation always took me a long time to find out and it hurts when It does. Why? The answer is simple: Incompetence, self confidence. I thought I came across with the fact that I was really average long time ago, but i guess my heart didn't listened. I still sought to be good in everything I do. And when I thought I got my things perfectly done, it wasn't. And it hurts. I guess I have build up this huge ego thinking that I was good a long time ago- just like a snowball rolling down a snow mountain; irreversable and culmilates over time. Then again, it could be that I am a decomposed body, maggots feeding on me; a natural process- I am rotting.

What kind of a person am I? Whenever surveys ask me this type of questions, I would always circle/tick/write all the positive things. Neglecting all my negative characteristics, denying myself. Hoping to let people see how an angel I am while hiding my devilish side. Sometimes I just want to shout out to people saying I ain't what they see me as, But I didn't. I was afraid, afraid that people would start discriminating me. I think I am the ugliest person in the world; didn't even accept myself for who I am, putting up a fake front in front of others. I don't even think I have an identify. Literally, yes. Mentally, no.

Still, this pain I felt, it's a natural human process no? To be feeling inferior, It's something I guess I have to get used to. To be at top is not just a mile away, instead, a universal away, It's rather impossible for me to obtain it. I think, being content with myself and not competing with others is my way to go.

So long, inferiority. Hope you never comes back.