Somehow, somewhere, someone created a time machine. And that very same person offers me a trip on the new invention. There is this one flaw though: I could only go back to the time when I was in secondary school. Will I grab the opportunity and go back? Many would accept the deal without a moment's hesitation. Not me, I found myself in the stage of dilemmia. Should I, or not? I have been pondering.
Choir was the ONLY reason why I went to school everyday, be it that there were(or no) practices. I hate it when my friends say that I have been spending lots of time with choir members, but in truth, they hardly hang out with me after school. Almost all of the time, its going home directly after school. They only hang out with me because I just so happen to stay in school. Then, clashes happen when they are "lonely" and accused me of not spending my time with them.
I dont have to be the only one keeping the conversations going, you know... I always feel that way when I hang out with you guys. If I dont talk, no one approaches me. I felt like an outsider. I have to earn my own conversations. Really. The days before secondary school life ends, I felt that I dont belong in the class at all. I realized that I dont have a clique to attach myself into, I was so alone. Why? Why did it happened?
Its not like I backstabbed any of you, but the only thing I got back were a handful of sharp knifes on my back. I tried my best to help, didnt I? Why do you guys have to be so cold-hearted and pretended that nothing is going on. Even until the moment I found out about the truth, at least have the decency to tell me what happened. But no, you guys kept the facade going...on and on.
Luigi says that I always hold grudges. But do I really? Sure, when I dislike someone, I would pour venom out from my mouth, but at the end of the day, I know that I dont really hate the person as much as I have said. It is just my way of exerting my emotions, I guess. Up til now, I dare say that I never dislke anyone in my entire life. There were moments, yea, but they never lasts. Its not that I dont want to dislike someone, it is just not possible for me. If I were to describe myself crudely in one word, I would say: emotion-less.
There are things in life, I have decided to let go, one by one. No matter how hurt/wonderful it is. You guys, made up more than half of my upper secondary life. Although you guys provided me with the fun times...I think that, it is time for me to let go. Sometime in the future, when I grow up and work in a healthy environemt with good colleagues. They would ask me of my secondary school life. And my answer?
"I have nothing."
Monday, May 31, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Back!
Hey guys, I am finally back on blogger again! Its a LOOOOONG hiatus, I have to say. BUUUUUUUUT, Be thankful! I actually never intend to come back here again, cause it holds lots of things, and I bet that it was a spot where the HIDEOUSLY UGLY people come and check. To see if I say something bad about them. Too bad losers.
Well...the actual reason, why I return to blogger, is because, I just want to rant about some things. If it might just hurt your feelings, get lost.
To my secondary school "friends" and the present soundcard personells.
I did never know that you guys were sooo into acting. Even until the days after I found out about your betrayals, you guys acted as if nothing had happened. What? To make yourself feel better? Like, "Oh, it was not my fault he acted like that, I was friendly to him what?" So what?! Like it will make any difference! We all know who are the culprits here, and who are the ones who put up the best facade I have ever seen in my life. So what? try and make up with me, with that uncertain voice, without trying to explaining yourself or apologize? Oh please. Look at the mirror will you? Your not mr/ms popular, I dont give a SHIT about you. Not after I found out what you all really are inside. Insecure, selfish jerks.
And oh, is it humiliating that I scored better than you all without even trying? You guys are soooooooo stupid. I have never met dumber people before. Have fun with your own little fantasy world now, cause reality will come crashing down soon. Retards. Lucky, I never see you all at all now. Looking at your faces might just make me PUKE.
Lastly, please dont try to act diplomatic with me, cause I know you know that I will return you the favor. Just like how you guys like to play it. It just disgusts me even more, I cant believe you guys sink til so low. If you choose to act this play, then play it, things doesnt always go the way you planned it to be. "Genius".
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It was already very depressing for me that I didnt get into Soundcard. And I had already accepted the fact that I am more to VE than solo singing, I did, I really did. And all you guys had to do, was to sent me a sms, telling me to go for the orientation, and everything went haywire . You guys didnt know how excited I was then, cause I really really wanted to be in a club where people come together and sing. I called up the number in the sms, and he wasnt even sure if I was suppose to go. All he said was, if I received a sms, means they dont mind me going. With that, I began to imagine upon the future practices I would have in the club, and dared to dream.
So, carrying this thought, I head over to the location of the orientation. I even happily told my friends that I got into it. "Hey! Maybe they are not so bad after all, See! I got in!" At the entrance, I searched over the name list, and saw my name over there, and more rays of hope shoned from within me. But I wasnt too sure yet, cause it really felt too good to be true, so I told them about my situation. And guess what happened?
"Sorry it was a mistake of my part, you can go and have a sit in if you want to." My mind just went blank at that time, I didnt know what to say, but I know that I should not go inside, so I just walk away. Like I would degrade myself till so low, to go into some orientation which was not even meant for me in the first place. Please la, dont even think as if your club is soo good, it isnt. You dont have to just let me in cause you pity me. I dont want that. You didnt even look sorry when you said it. Of course, I am just a person who failed the audition. No one important. You can just die for all I care. Please.
Well...the actual reason, why I return to blogger, is because, I just want to rant about some things. If it might just hurt your feelings, get lost.
To my secondary school "friends" and the present soundcard personells.
I did never know that you guys were sooo into acting. Even until the days after I found out about your betrayals, you guys acted as if nothing had happened. What? To make yourself feel better? Like, "Oh, it was not my fault he acted like that, I was friendly to him what?" So what?! Like it will make any difference! We all know who are the culprits here, and who are the ones who put up the best facade I have ever seen in my life. So what? try and make up with me, with that uncertain voice, without trying to explaining yourself or apologize? Oh please. Look at the mirror will you? Your not mr/ms popular, I dont give a SHIT about you. Not after I found out what you all really are inside. Insecure, selfish jerks.
And oh, is it humiliating that I scored better than you all without even trying? You guys are soooooooo stupid. I have never met dumber people before. Have fun with your own little fantasy world now, cause reality will come crashing down soon. Retards. Lucky, I never see you all at all now. Looking at your faces might just make me PUKE.
Lastly, please dont try to act diplomatic with me, cause I know you know that I will return you the favor. Just like how you guys like to play it. It just disgusts me even more, I cant believe you guys sink til so low. If you choose to act this play, then play it, things doesnt always go the way you planned it to be. "Genius".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was already very depressing for me that I didnt get into Soundcard. And I had already accepted the fact that I am more to VE than solo singing, I did, I really did. And all you guys had to do, was to sent me a sms, telling me to go for the orientation, and everything went haywire . You guys didnt know how excited I was then, cause I really really wanted to be in a club where people come together and sing. I called up the number in the sms, and he wasnt even sure if I was suppose to go. All he said was, if I received a sms, means they dont mind me going. With that, I began to imagine upon the future practices I would have in the club, and dared to dream.
So, carrying this thought, I head over to the location of the orientation. I even happily told my friends that I got into it. "Hey! Maybe they are not so bad after all, See! I got in!" At the entrance, I searched over the name list, and saw my name over there, and more rays of hope shoned from within me. But I wasnt too sure yet, cause it really felt too good to be true, so I told them about my situation. And guess what happened?
"Sorry it was a mistake of my part, you can go and have a sit in if you want to." My mind just went blank at that time, I didnt know what to say, but I know that I should not go inside, so I just walk away. Like I would degrade myself till so low, to go into some orientation which was not even meant for me in the first place. Please la, dont even think as if your club is soo good, it isnt. You dont have to just let me in cause you pity me. I dont want that. You didnt even look sorry when you said it. Of course, I am just a person who failed the audition. No one important. You can just die for all I care. Please.
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