Haha

Honestly, I have forgotten about this blog ever since the last post and only managing to remember it today because I had a nice conversation with a good friend, Rafidah. School is still tolerable, no matter if I am hanging out with my clique from last sem or not. It shows to me that we can all adapt to our environment (MY FOOT). If I really can, I would have sticked to the same happenings in my past sem life, but I didnt. I geared myself away, away from the person I feel so much distaste to. I have tried sticking around, but it just didnt work. I might be burning bridges, but that would be my lesson learned.

As I push myself into other social circles, I realized many things. I started to see and know little details of my class I have never noticed before. One of them being that our class is tearing apart and forming new allies (guilty me). I also found out that, maybe the resocialization is a good thing after all. Well, it will be awkward if I want to find myself back into that very spot again, but at least, I am finally given choices. I can be with people whom I feel that its okay to be myself. I might not look like it, but sometimes, I am putting up facades and it is suffocating me.

Why do I have to smile just to adhere to the situation? I know I did it to maintain relationships, but that's what I thought. In the end, I am the only one hurting. How is it healthy? Why should I be the only one? When I pursue a relationship, I commit. So I am guessing if I find it not worth my time, I throw away my commitments.

Oh ya, there is a singing competition coming up in NYP, where the winners get to sing in front for the open house. It will be freakin' cool. I'd hope that we get into the finals, and not win though. It will be too embarassing. Of course, since this is my first time joining a competition, "I was petrified~". So I have decided to sing a duet with a friend, asyikin. I have never hear her sing before (until recently, when we went kbox), I was taking my chances. I am guessing, it is all about the fun, not the winning. Actually, I am willing to do a duet with anyone in my class, except for one. ____________. Opps.

Sleepover at Blue Ginger

It is my first time since forever to sleep somewhere not at my house. I have to say, it was quite a bit of a experience especially when it was filled with fun people. We sang, we played, we did lots of things together. I guess, its my first official memory with BG.

I especially love the truth or dare game. Since I am too young, they were not so hard on me. However, on the other hand, my colleague, Randy, had it tough. Being born as a male and have been living on this planet for 22years( and still counting), he was forced to do many things which are like, OMG. It just brings the truth or dare game into another level, one that I have never expected much. Anyway, it was so serious that they have my eyes covered from time to time. Hehe.

Romance is ALWAYS in the air. No matter where I go, there are always people loving people. I guess that it is just human nature, instinct. Only that I dont have it. Geez.

I found out that singers are everywhere, it is not just people who join choir. It doesnt have to be, as long as one love to sing, and is willing to sing out loud, anyone is a singer. Also, not being in choir doesnt mean that your bad, just that you dont enjoy harmony as much. So many things I have learn. I cant wait for another BG visit, another BG sleepover!!

Chap 2

Well, I am not really sure what is going on now, history seems to love repeating itself. The cold war. Somehow or rather, I would like to believe that it is for the best, but there would always have a slight tug somewhere when I look at the person. Maybe that was for the best afterall. I shouldnt want to over-rely on someone right? I should learn to be dependant, I should go out more. Sides, no attempts from the other side to savage the situation, its pretty obvious how un-important I am seen to be. In the end, I am just someone to hang out with. Nevertheless, I will let that slide, for I know myself, I dont deserve much.

Seriously, now that I think about it. Relationship is just like a vase, the stronger one is, the bigger it becomes and that trying to glue back the vase when it breaks is as good as a mission to not sing forever. Another way to see it is that, both parties of a relationship each have a hand that holds the vase, like I said, strong relationship means bigger vase. So the stronger it becomes, the heavier the vase, it will need hands of both the party to sustain it in the air. If one decides that he cant be bothered anymore, the vase dropps.

There are many circumstances where one have to hold the vase tighter, to show to the other one how much he want to vase to never break. Even when the other one releases, he will try to sustain with his strength as much as possible. Sadly, it has never happen to me before, this scenario. People seem to just let it drop when I drop. So be it then, drop.