k;jbnjklnhknj

Holidays coming to an end.

Guess what? The word "holiday" in my dictionary has a new meaning after experiencing an "eventful" week. Holiday- A torturous period of time for students. As it is a pretext the teachers use to mount students with huge piles of homework and expects them to be done by the end of our holidays. That is one gigantic reason why I hate holidays, isn't holidays suppose to mean a break from school? With the workloads we have, I reckoned that we could even get any breathing space. And if we don't do something about it, we would be constantly plague with the thoughts of the after-effects of procrastination, which prevents us from fully enjoying ourselves. It is not fair.

Sometimes, I would rather that we don't have holidays at all; as it is just an empty shell with shiny surface. Sure, it sounds good, and I mean REALLY good: no need to attend school for a week, more hang-outs, more sleeping time, less stress. But, I was finally enlightened with the voidness of the word "holiday". It's just like wishing Santa Clause to give presents to give good children during christmas, it would never be what it is, you and I know it. It's just like me being sucked from my own fantasy into another's which are filled with witches, wolves, stepmothers...etc. The defination of true horror. Suicidal I guess.

If your thinking that I am acting like some drama king, well, I would say that you should go away. Go back to that shallow world of yours and pretend to see no nothing, go act high-and-mighty as you are able to handle it well, go on believing that Santa will come knocking to your house one day( because you have no chimey) and just, go away. Obviously, this is not for you, not meant for you. For one, you haven't experience anything like this at all. So why brag about how well you manage your holiday? Enjoy looking at people suffer? Your sick. Mentally.

I guess this is the end for my ramblings. Feels so good after writing it all out. Smiles. Hope that you guys out there are doing fine.

Sports day and the after thats...

The sports day was rather enjoyable initially; people with high morales constantly screaming and shouting, making me follow their lead. My friends and I went to "cheers" before the event starts to buy snacks for our little picnic, which in sum, costs $21! Don't bother ask how much I spent, I am NOT telling you, but the crackers sort of pushed up my morale too. Just to let you guys know, our little picnic lasts for the whole entire sports day, I even threw away the left overs. Why? We did not have enough water supply, the crackers we have made our throats dry, try eating a few huge packets in less than 4 hours with only one small bottle with you while constantly screaming. We didn't planned the picnic well enough.

Anyway, as I was saying the sports day was fun in the beginning, however, as time passed by, the morale gradually decreases and I was bored to death. I even subconsciously close my eyes to sleep. My friends were in their laid-back form, leaning against the "walls", or even walk around, exploring the place- like we didn't for the past 3 years!

Anyway, the host for the event detected the demise of the morale, tried to save it by putting up artificial sounds of cheering. Which greatly amuses me to no end- to have the thoughts that some house shone in the depth of "darkness", I actually wanted to revive the morale in hawk house too, but when my friends told me that it was fake, I got embarassed, and we laughed.

Okay now comes the after thats. After the sports day ended we went to pizzahut to have our lunch. And since we were in a group of four, we bought the value package. Yum Yum. It was rather expensive, but I love it, not regretting consuming the food there. We met up with Theodora's group after that which consist of Elswyth(sorry!), Geraldine and Simin and decided that we should watch a movie together before ending the day. To my horror, the girls wanted to watch a horror movie, coming soon, after much debate and we went from CCK to Woodlands. And due to some complications, Elswyth(sorry!) have to go.

The movie they wanted to watch was "Coming soon". Which was scary as hell, I brought my jacket and used it to half-cover my eyes while I used my fingers to cover my ears. It was so scary, anyway did I mentioned that we were all below 16 except for Simin? And the movie is PG16(or something). We knew that we would fail miserably if we go in a huge group together and get the movie tickets( some of us still have the baby faces or even baby voice :P). So, we chose the mature-looking ones and made them buy the tickets.

Our first attempt did not succeed, due to the bitchy( or so someone says) accountant, wanting proves of all 7 of us, being sixteen and above. Not giving up hope, we tried again, sending out different people to the different accountant, and we got it! I wasn't include in the mission, so I did not know exactly what to say, but I know that it must be an adrenaline-flowing sitaution and we all cheered.

After that we began to plan for our next mission, the smuggling. You guys know that there's a place where they will tear the tickets before letting us go in right? We were afraid that our covers would be blown off and came up with ridiculous ideas about having the conversation on politics. Which, in the end, was not in used. But we did tried not to act childish and also managed to put up our poker-faces though, and when we were through, we jumped up in happiness and even came up with comments that "that's life!".

And guess what? It was kind of regretted the decision half-way through the movie. And I finally know why there are movies suitable for some ages. It was extremely scary, yet we managed to find laughters in the midst of the whole process. For example, me saying "the lead very stupid sia, keep going to the same place, make me scared", or the main lead, "carrying chaba( the ghost) behind his back, and ran home." It was hilarious to say the least, and it was fun. I get to scream too! And came with the conclusion that I should watch the movie even if I was scared out of my wits. (Second time watching a horror movie, first time was when I was in choir camp, watched "The grudge").

After that, when we came out of the movie theater, we walked the wrong way out and came across a sealed door. We screamed and ran. The movie more often than not, depicts a sealed area and the victim would have a no-way out, and seeing that we saw one, our minds immediately flashed back to the movie and reacted simultaniously. The front person being to scream and run first.

After that we went for window shopping and blah blah blah....went home and sleep. :)

Natalie Essay 2- Greed.

Just to let you guys know, I have absolutely no idea on how to end this one. Boohoo, Natalie didn't give me any hints this time, so I think I kinda messed it all up. Warning: Sadistic lead, you have been warned!( I have always wanted to write that! xD)

Topic chosen- Greed.

Greed. What is greed? To many, it basically means a negative feeling of over-wanting things, definitely not a want; but to me, it's something essential- a must for me to survive in this cold cruel lonely world.

When I was ten, I was coveted by my parents very much- one little whimper from me would set them off, leading them to run hastily towards me, showering me with their utmost care and concern, questioning me as to if I was injured or feeling unwell. I took noticed of that fact and immediately used it to my advantage- whenever I felt like having the attention, I would stage a cry and the results would always be the same- they would rush towards me with worried faces. I was contended with myself then- to have the ability to make my parents come anytime I wanted them to. However, as time passed by, I did not felt the satisfaction anymore, I wanted something more and began making a lot of demands, and it worked!

But gradually, as I grew older and older, I began to lose this power. My parents would just take a glance at me and accused me of being a crybaby then carried on with their own chores. I suddenly have this surge of feeling of being unwanted and realized that I had to do something about it. And I did.

When I went to look for a teacher after school regarding an unsolved math question, I witnessed parents of Sean( a classmate of mine) having a conversation with the teacher, Mdm Tan, chatting about his disruptive behaviour in the class. A plan came into my mind and I acted it out. I began throwing paper airplanes during classes and "forgetting" to hand up homeworks, leading my teachers no choice but to ring my parents down. I was delighted at the sight of my parents looking at me again, even though it's a mere look of disappointment, but I still do. And guess what? I yearned for more.

I began playing truants in school and consuming drugs, once again, not giving my teacher any choice but to meet my parents. This time, it was more than looks of disappointment, my mom cried, kneed down, hugged me and started questioning me why I did this while my dad fumed with anger. I shrugged and gave a look of innocence, not caring what they feel but their attention.

When we got home, I screamed with happiness- reason: My dad whipped me with his black belt. The feeling of leather rubbing hard against my skin sends tingles of excitement down my spines, I cried for more, loving the time he used to spent with me. That fueled him on and he increased his pace until he was exhausted.

After he went to sleep, my mum came into my room and did first-aid on me before giving me her heart-warming embrace( she was previously locked in her room when the "punishment" began). She then cooed me to sleep while I tried to savour the warmth of her temperature; ending the day with the conclusion that I should do it more often. And I did, with the same cycle going round and round again as expected until I got bored of it. I decided to do something extreme, something that would make my parents notice me more than ever and perhaps forever. I decided to kill.

Looking at my blood-soaked hands, I grinned- happy with the fact that they could now supply me with what I want. I sat down on my bed, entertaining myself with pleasant thoughts. The door bell rang and I ran towards it with haste, not bothering to wash the stains on my hands. I frowned upon the sight of the visitors. They were the police. I was immediately handcuffed and brought to prison without a moment of hesitation.

On the way towards the destination, my parents halted the police( They ran into the middle of the road with their arms stretch) and said something( My mom begged) incoherent with them, I saw the polices shook their heads and the journey continued. I absolutely adored the way my parents gaped at me- the mixture of agony with disillusion; they have lost hope, which makes me lust for it more. I smirked, with my fingers tapping on my right thigh, wondering what should I do next- take more lives? I did not know, all I know was that I craved for more; my overwhelming desire could not discontinue this thing my heart ached for, I am messed up. Yet this greed is what kept me going...

So...how did I fair? Sad to say that I am not really confident with this one...

Mr. Wee's absence.

Well, this post is dedicated to him since he wanted to know what happened when he was gone. There wasn't really anything special, we did two paper 2 tests for the first two english lessons, then went through one of them on the next and did a composition "something regretful" on the last.

But that doesn't mean that I didn't learn anything, during the time when we went through with the answers, I have learnt a few techniques from Natelie! Even though it's the same with what most of the english teacher said, the way she teach had embedded the knowledge deeply into my brain.

Also when we were doing the composition, I asked Natelie for help a few times- she didn't exactly give the answer, but she left hints for me! Which is good, figuring something out by yourself will make you remember it more clearly. I still need help with my conclusions though, I suck at them -inserts unhappy face-.

An essay- something regretfful

Looking at the brownish dull mended object in my hand, I sighed. It has been three years since the fateful accident yet the horrible memories still haunted me till today. I have tried to forget about it time after time by doing all kinds kind deeds but it cannot purify my already tainted heart. After all, I am the cause of his death.....

It was on a Friday, 13th February 2009(also known to be an unlucky day), supposedly the best day of my life- the day where I celebrated my sixteen birthday. I was blindfolded then, excited by the thought of being led into an unknown place, trusting them with my safety as they guided me. The butterflies in my stomach began to flutter hyper actively when my skin came in contact with cold air. Cold air, I thought and inhaled it deeply. The scent of lavender invaded my nose and I started to jump about frantically, asking them if we had reached our destination.

My friends cooed me, told me to be patient and promised me something magnificent- something that would make me drop my jaw in awe; which embarked my dreamy journey towards utopia and my expectations rose a few levels higher. After a few minutes, we were stopped by a man and was guided into another room after one of my friends had an incoherent conversation with him. The attendant left and my friends gave me permission to get rid of the piece of black cloth tied to my face.

The moment I took my blindfold off, I was stunned by the beauty of the ballroom. I knew most of them were wealthy, but not that wealthy! I took a glance at the room and then to my friends, they were grinning.

"Surprise!" They shouted instantaneously. I smiled and jumped on them thanking them profusely with tears of joy streaming down my cheeks. We parted a few minutes later and proceeded on with the party. Everything was still joyful then, until the present-giving session.

One by one, they came up to me and gave their presents- all branded, except for one. When Sean came up to me and gave me his, I flared up. It was an old brownish teddy bear. I knew his family was in need of money but I did not expect him to give me this junk. Everyone laughed and I was embarrassed. I told him off and shooed him away from the room hoping to flush the source of my unwanted emotions out. He was initially not included in this surprise(I could tell) but when I told my other friends that he was my best friend as I named out my "wants for this party" they had no choice but to include him. And now my actions of kicking him away, delighted my "friends" more than ever; they even jeered at him and assisted in pushing him away.

He screamed that that was all he could afford, that he was sorry for not working hard enough(he did part-time jobs), but I paid no heed to him. I knew he relied on me for his mental stability(his father often abuses him) and I also knew that the gift was given by his mother to him when she was still alive yet I ruthlessly got him away, even though it was not his fault at all; he even gave away his only memoirs of his mother.

After he was out of my sight, I received a few calls from him and I ignored them. Irritated after a few minutes of the non-stop calling, I took a penknife and shredded the bear into pieces, took the remains, went out and threw it all at him. He sobbed and questioned me why I did that to him, I put up my cold facade and hold up my hand- doing a universal sign that says, "talk to my hand".

He picked up his shredded pieces of bear and ran away. I felt remorseful after he left, but I shrugged it off and thought that I could apologize to him later. So, I continued with my celebration.

On the very next day, I felt deeply regretful. Reason: News headline- Unable to handle problems, a kid jumped off.

I was crestfallen, unable to make up for what I did, I tried to take my life too but stopped in the midst of the process. At that very spilt second when I was about to suicide, trains of thoughts ran through me and I hesitated. Was it the fear of dying? Or was it that it would not make a difference even if I did it or not? It would destroy all my hope of making up right? After settling my bewildered feelings, I jumped back into the platform, picked up pieces of the teddy bear, and went back home to mend it. From that moment onwards, I decided that I was indebted to him and would live with it for the rest of my life. The mended bear is the sign of my promise.